We are in the teens!

Today we hit 19 days until Shawn returns from Iraq. I cant believe that we are so close to being finished. It seems like it was forever ago when I dropped him off at the fairgrounds that cold January day. The total deployment has been a year but we got to spend two weeks together at Christmas before he left for Iraq. I am so thankful that this is almost behind us. We have so much to look forward to. First being his homecoming party which I have spent a lot of time planning, then our weekend to our favorite little town in Oklahoma, Tulsa. We are spending the weekend at The DoubleTree and have a romantic dinner at The Melting Pot. The one thing that Shawn wont miss is our tradition of pumpkin carving. He will make it home just in time. Then a month later we are off for our 7 day cruise to the western caribbean. I cant wait.

So close, yet still far away

Well, I only have roughly 30 days left of this deployment. I cant believe how close we are to being finished. I cant wait to spend the rest of my life with my husband and hopefully without deployments. He is staying in the military so there will be other chances to take. I am so proud of him and everything that he stands for. I just cant wait to see him again!

Is there something wrong with me?

I have been online most of the night looking at some of the other military wives myspaces. Most of their moods are sad, depressed etc. They are all really down because of their husbands being deployed. I too am ready for this to be over however, I know that there is no point in being upset for the next 66 days. I love my husband and miss him terribly but I know that there is nothing that I can do to change the situation we are in. So I have to think positive. Each day we are getting closer!!! I cant wait until the day I can hold him in my arms again!

Not a fan of weekends

With Shawn being gone the weekends tend to be a little lonely. I love not having to work and being able to relax but it can get a little boring with it being just me and Romey (my golden retriever). I can not wait for the rest of this time to go by quickly. We only have 76 more days!!!!

Confirming My Decision

A couple of months ago, I decided that I was going to leave my position as the social services director at Ranchwood Nursing Center. I had gotten another job and gave my notice. On my last day at the nursing home, I felt that I was making a terrible decision but it was too late, my replacement had already started. So I started my new job on a Monday, I knew after that first day that the decision to leave the nursing home was the wrong one. So I went in on Tuesday with the attitude of I didnt make a mistake this is where I am supposed to be. By lunch time, I felt this horrible feeling in my stomach and I just knew that I need to quit. So I went into my knew bosses office and told her I was quitting. She looked very shocked, of course who could blame her. So I packed all of my stuff up and left. I showed up at Ranchwood, crying and jobless wondering what I was going to do. I told my ex-boss that I had quit, he told me everything would work out and to go home and not think about it. One week later, I went to get my last paycheck at Ranchwood. I decided to go ask my replacement how things were going. She didnt look to excited to be there. I told her that I had quit my job and was no longer employeed. She asked me if I would take my job back because she wanted to return to her previous job. As crazy as it sounds I started back at Ranchwood the very next day.

I have always wondered if I had given the job a long enough chance and if I should have stuck it out. Well today, I got my answer. I was at the doctor, with a resident and we were waiting for our ride back to the nursing home. We had been sitting and visiting for about 30 minutes, when a lady asked me where we were from. I told her and she replied, they are very lucky to have you there at Ranchwood. She said she was very impressed with how much attention I was giving to my resident. She said most of the time no one pays attention to the resident and are to busy on their cell phones. My resident responded that she knew how lucky they were to have me. I knew at that very moment that I had made the right decision by going back to my job. I cant imagine being anywhere else.

Suprising myself

As I read other army wives and blogs about how horrible they are doing and how they feel like this deployment feels like a nightmare, I think to myself "is there something wrong with me" Dont get me wrong when we first found out that shawn was leaving for a year long deployment, I felt like my world had ended and that I would never survive. I think now I have just come to accept the fact that this is what is happening in my life. I have no choice but to deal with the hand that I have been dealt. I have become used to Shawn being gone but I am ready for him to come home. I just know that the Army is in his blood and he would not have it any other way. I know that he doesnt want to be away from his family but he loves what he does! I support that 100%. I guess that I have grown during this deployment to learn that my life isnt going to end because my husband is being deployed. I just hope it doesnt happen again!!!

Always have been independent

Ever since I was 19, I have lived on my own. I loved living on my own. I got married in 2004 and of course that all changed. I have been married for almost 4 years but of the last year my husband has been on a year long deployment. So once again I am living alone. I have never considered myself to be someone that needed a guy around all the time. I am still independent but I realize that I need my husband here. He is my best friend and someone that I depend on when things get rough. Since he has been gone I have only had myself to rely on which is nothing that I am not used to. I never realized until lately that I do need him a lot more than I allow myself to admit. I can take care of things around the house. Its not that kind of things that I need him to take care of. It is the emotional things, the ones that only he understands. He knows how to cheer me up when I am feeling down. He can ALWAYS make me laugh. That is one of the things that I miss most. It is hard for me to really tell him when I am down since he is in Iraq and dealing with more serious stuff than me having a bad day. But even though I try to hide it from him he still knows. I think that is what makes him my soulmate!!!